Home

I got back from campus one day last week and changed my Facebook status to "finally home!" That got me thinking.. What is home?

It's a simple enough concept, but to me it is deeper than it seems on first thought. Just because I'm a nerd, I looked up the dictionary definition. According to my Mac, "home" is the place where one lives permanently, esp. as a member of a family or household.

So.. a place one lives permanently. Well if that's the only qualification, I could submit that my home is not, in actuality, Raintree Commons, where I pay $265 a month to sleep. If anything, my home would be on the BYU campus in the Harold B. Lee Library. This semester with work and 14 credits of extremely intensive classes, I really DO live at the library! I spent 15 HOURS on campus last Tuesday and STILL didn't get everything done that I needed to. But I'm hanging in there.

Surprisingly, I have found that the library has several things in common with my apartment. My apartment is a place of eating, sleeping, socializing, studying, working, and praying. So is the library! I have figured out that it could be technically possible to actually LIVE on campus. Obviously, I am not going to do that, but still.. it's an interesting idea.

It is common knowledge that people aren't supposed to eat in the library. I understand that, but must admit that I may or may not have snuck certain small quantities of food in the building at certain times of my college career. (I was HUNGRY! And I'm not the type of person who can keep going after skipping meals.) There was also that one time my freshman year when one of my group members brought two whole boxes of doughnuts as well as bottles of milk and orange juice... Anyways, BYU has since recognized that it is most likely that students will bring food into the library whether permitted or not, so there is now a special "Snack Zone" in which we can eat food, as long as it's not super messy or smelly. So, fulfillment of the food requirement: Check.

Next, sleeping. I can remember when I first came to college and saw people sleeping in the library. I thought it was ridiculous and vowed I would never sleep in such a public place in front of so many strangers. That was when I had the luxury of living 1 minute away from campus and could run home to my precious little freshman dorm whenever I felt like it. Everything changed as soon as I moved further away and worked early morning custodial. When you are running on an average of about 5 hours of sleep and waking up at four o'clock every morning, you take sleep whenever you can get it, wherever you can get it. I suddenly found that I had no reservations for plopping down in a comfy chair, sticking my earbuds in, and drifting off. I just hope I didn't snore!

Obviously, one of the main activities that goes on within the Harold B. Lee Library is studying (and lots of it!). I spend hours and hours a day within the confines of the library, trying to get the billion things done that I need to within the short amount of time I have available. I've discovered some great little places to study, my favorite being the section in which they have soft classical music playing in the background. Granted, some of it involves books, but I would say that especially in a culture such as BYU, which revolves around marriage, perhaps much more of it is related to studying members of the opposite sex--and checking the left hand to see if they are single!

As far as socialization goes, there is hardly a better place to meet people than the library. I can't begin to number the people I've run into that I knew (whether I wanted to see them or not, haha) in that awesome building! Of course, some parts of the library are better than others. I've heard of statistics that indicate most people end up getting dates in the library when they study in the Periodicals section. I admit, sometimes I do study in Periodicals (not necessarily to get a date, but because it has huge windows that face outside) but I have not as yet become a statistic and gotten a date from studying in the library. I'm not counting on it, but with the hours I spend there, perhaps my chances are growing!

I not only do school work within the depths of good old Harold, but I also have employment there as well. I have always been somewhat jealous of the people who work in the library because they get to go in the restricted sections and go through doors with special key codes. Since the start of this semester, I have been initiated into the secret organization of library workers.... sort of. Technically, I don't even work for BYU, but I do get to go in the restricted section in the basement and lock myself in a tiny closet of a room (that requires a special key code) for hours on end operating scanners that scan pictures and information from microfilms.

And that is where prayer comes in. I feel safe assuming that, aside from the BYU Testing Center, the library is one of the places with the most prayers offered up. I know I, myself, have prayed there soooo many times, especially when it was getting down to the wire with major projects or papers due. Also, when I first started my job, the machines started going crazy for days (only when I was working there) and I could NOT figure out how to fix them! I felt so frustrated and helpless that I actually considered just quitting right then and there. It seems a little dramatic now, but I was almost brought to tears and offered some very fervent prayers. Guess what--I figured out what I was doing wrong and since then it has been much better! Prayers of thanksgiving were offered up in abundance when I finally got them all working right. I could write on about all the things I learned from that experience, but I will save that for a different time.

Anyways, now that you've read all my useless ramblings, I guess it comes down to this: you know you're a student when you really do practically live at the library on campus. And, according to the dictionary, the Harold B. Lee could really be considered my home!

I have more thoughts on this that I'll have to write later.

Happy Endings

I recently watched one of my favorite movies, Pride and Prejudice (the Keira Knightly version). I absolutely LOVE it! The music is fantastic and speaks to my soul. I find it interesting to imagine living in such a different era. However, despite the incredible distance between that time and now, life seems to have been pretty much the same. Girls were constantly worried or thinking about getting married; their parents tried to play matchmaker (sometimes to the dismay of their daughters); often they had to worry about dealing with the advances of creepy or undesirable suitors. Like always, money was a major factor in a relationship. These issues are common today as well. I think one of my absolute favorite parts of this story, though, is the happy ending. Elizabeth must go through a lot of heartache and confusion, but eventually she finds true love and she and her handsome Mr. Darcy live happily ever after. I am a hopelessly and completely romantic person and I looove it when all works out!
This weekend I also watched another movie associated with Jane Austen: Becoming Jane. This movie is based on the actual life of Jane Austen, and the twisted plot really surprised me. The ending was definitely NOT what I expected! Consequently, this weekend I've been thinking a lot about endings to things.

My birthday was an ending to another year. Today, Sunday, is an ending to another week. The whole season of Autumn is associated with the culmination of another harvest as farmers reap the fruits of their labor. All around me, the trees with their sudden explosions of varied hues of red, orange, and yellow leaves warn me that another blissful period of warmth and sunshine is about to give way to the dreary cold of wintertime.

Obviously, winter is not my favorite time of year. Similarly, I often do not enjoy going through "wintery" periods of my life, which are filled with difficulty, uncertainty, and immense challenges. However, I love the solid assurance during wintertime that spring is on the way. If I just endure for a short time, I am sure to see the miracle of fresh life come upon the earth once again. Trials don't last forever, either. I know that eventually I can overcome them, turning out stronger and more appreciative than ever before.

Sometimes we reach points in our lives that seem like the end. We may be at our wit's end, at the end of patience, or we may feel stuck in a rut, unsure of how we can move forward or progress. Someone close to us may have moved away or even passed away and it seems like that could be the end of our association with them forever. When I think of endings, though, I can't help but think of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Through Him, we can overcome those endings. He can get us out of the deepest recesses of our soul and give us the strength to face another day. Further, through Him we will overcome death and can be with our families and those we love forever.

As much as I love Pride and Prejudice and other movies with happy endings, I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ because it is a true story! Every time I think about it I feel hope and excitement because I know that no matter what happens now, if I stay strong and dependent upon the Lord, I will end up with my own happy ending, and I can't wait!

Winter, bring it on!

On Turning Twenty-One

Well, this is it.. my last night before I turn into an adult in all senses of the word. I can't believe it--I have been on this earth for almost twenty-one whole years! Do you realize how many seconds that is? 662 695 445 seconds! Over six-hundred sixty-two million seconds--I stop to think about whether I've lived up all of those seconds to their fullest potential. I haven't. Not even close.

I'm a pretty contemplative person in general, but today I have felt especially sentimental, thinking of my last hours as a twenty-year-old. I have been thinking a lot today about who I am now compared to who I was in previous years. Have I changed? Hopefully! I would like to think that I'm at least a little bit more mature than I was when I was twelve years old. But how could I track my growth and progress? I have started a practice today that will help me see my own progression that I think I will continue throughout the rest of my life. I got my old journals down from my shelf and began reading all of the entries from this past year, starting with my birthday in 2009.

I haven't always been diligent about keeping a journal. In fact, it took me TWELVE YEARS to fill the little red journal I got when I was eight years old. However, I have become significantly addicted to writing in my journal because it is the best way to organize my thoughts and record current things that are happening in my life. Last year I finally finished my first journal, have since breezed through another one, and am nearing completion of my third. I'm not trying to brag, but it certainly has made for an interesting day as I relived the hundreds of pages of my twentieth year. As I retraced my steps and emotions today I realized how immature I was spiritually (as well as in other aspects of my life) and how far I've come. I also saw the constant evidence of Heavenly Father's hand in my life, even though I often didn't see it at the time.

Looking back on some of the trials I went through and the things I was struggling with, I wonder how I could have been so stupid. I guess hindsight truly is 20/20. Like anybody, I definitely have regrets and would change some of my actions if I could go back, but I feel all of my experiences have helped to form me into the person I am now.

The biggest change I have recognized is my expectation for the future. Early in this year, I had a pretty set idea of how my life was going to turn out. When unexpected events or challenges came up, I didn't really know how to respond to them. I thought I knew what was best for me and was stubborn about fulfilling my will. I have come to realize lately that I have no idea about what is in store for me in the upcoming years (or even months). Honestly, I don't know what is best for me anymore. But the beauty is that I don't need to know the whole picture. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me that is bigger and better than anything I can think of. And I am learning to trust in His design and guidance even though it isn't always easy. Twenty-one is a great age to be and I'm excited for the upcoming year! I'm determined to make every second count. I'm not getting any younger...